Disclaimers (Boring Stuff)

About Using This Website

By using this website you are accepting all the terms of this disclaimer notice. If you do not agree with anything in this notice you should not use this website.

The document that follows this paragraph is a license agreement. Why do I need such a thing? Well, to be perfectly honest, my lawyer told me that I need to protect myself.

I pride myself on my low-key style, but the global nature of the Web means that one lawsuit from one user in a far-flung jurisdiction could put me out of business. It also means that, without this agreement, I might not have protection from people who misuse the material on this blog. I do not want to bet my entire life on such possibilities, however unlikely, because I like doing what I do and want to continue to be able to do it. And, so, we require you to read and agree to this license. We think you will find it quite reasonable. Obviously, if you disagree, click “Disagree.” But, don’t just stop there. Let us know. Write a comment below telling me what you find unacceptable about the license agreement. I can’t promise to change anything, but I will do our best to get back to you.

Section 1
1.1 Grant of Limited License
By using this website you agree to the exclusions and limitations of liability stated below and accept them as reasonable. Do not use this website if you do not agree that they are reasonable.
If any of the points in this disclaimer notice are found to be unenforceable under applicable law, that will have no bearing on the enforceability of the rest of the disclaimer notice.
1.2 Copyright
Seriously….
Dont steal
TRADEMARK INFORMATION: Life’s a Bitch (LAB) and the LAB logo are registered trademarks of LAB. LAB’s trademarks may be used publicly with permission only from LAB. Fair use of LAB’s trademarks in advertising and promotion of LAB products requires proper acknowledgment. If you use LAB’s trademarks without LAB’s express approval, I will get really pissed off.*All other brands and names are property of their respective owners. OWNERSHIP OF MATERIALS: Materials are copyrighted and are protected by worldwide copyright laws and treaty provisions. They may not be copied, reproduced, modified, published, uploaded, posted, transmitted, or distributed in any way, without LAB’s prior written permission, which is freely granted as long as you take LAB’s name off in some lame attempt to either hide the materials origin or in the hilarious belief that the receiver of this material will think that you created it on your own, or somehow will think you more clever and intelligent that you really are. Except as expressly provided herein, LAB does not grant any express or implied right to you under any patents, copyrights, trademarks, or trade secret information. Other rights may be granted to you by LAB in writing or incorporated elsewhere in the Materials. DISCLAIMER: THE MATERIALS ARE PROVIDED “AS IS” WITHOUT ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTY OF ANY KIND INCLUDING WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, NONINFRINGEMENT OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, OR FITNESS FOR ANY PARTICULAR PURPOSE. IN NO EVENT SHALL LAB OR HER SUPPLIERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, BUSINESS INTERRUPTION, LOSS OF INFORMATION) ARISING OUT OF THE USE OF OR INABILITY TO USE THE MATERIALS, EVEN IF LAB HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. BECAUSE SOME JURISDICTIONS PROHIBIT THE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION OF LIABILITY FOR CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, THE ABOVE LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU. LAB further does not warrant the accuracy or completeness of the information, text, graphics, links or other items contained within these materials. LAB may make changes to these materials, or to the products described therein, at any time without notice. LAB makes no commitment to update the Materials. In other words, if you screw it up, you’re on your own.

1.3  Disclaimer of Warranties and Limitation of Liability.
While every effort is made to ensure that the content of this website is accurate, the website is provided “as is” and Life’s a Bitch makes no representations or warranties in relation to the accuracy or completeness of the information found on it. While the content of this site is provided in good faith, we do not warrant that the information will be kept up to date, be true and not misleading.
Nothing on this website should be taken to constitute professional advice or a formal recommendation and we exclude all representations and warranties relating to the content and use of this site.
In no event will Life’s a Bitch be liable for any incidental, indirect, consequential or special damages of any kind, or any damages whatsoever, including, without limitation, those resulting from loss of profit, loss of contracts, goodwill, data, information, income, anticipated savings or business relationships, whether or not advised of the possibility of such damage, arising out of or in connection with the use of this website or any linked websites.
Section 2
2. Exceptions
Nothing in this disclaimer notice excludes or limits any warranty implied by law for death, fraud, personal injury through negligence, or anything else which it would not be lawful for Life’s a Bitch to exclude.

2.1 Termination.
I have the right to terminate this blog should the mission become too impossible.

2.3 Links to Other websites and Products
Links to other websites are provided for the convenience of users. We are unable to provide any warranty regarding the accuracy or completeness of the content of such sites, or the reliability, quality or effectiveness of any products provided through external websites. A link to an external site does not imply an endorsement of the views, information or products provided or held by such websites.
Section 3
3.0 Miscellaneous.
This disclaimer does not cover accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized use, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, removal of tag, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom, crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, paintball, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.).
IMPORTANT – Read this License Agreement carefully before clicking on the “Agree” button. By clicking on the “Agree” button, you agree to be bound by the terms of the License Agreement. —

Section 4
4. Variations
We reserve the right to revise and amend this disclaimer notice from time to time and any revised version will be deemed to be applicable from the first date of publication on this website.

Including the following slight more erratic DISCLAIMER:
Please read all instructions and warnings before use. Must be 18 years of age or older to proceed further. Enter at your own risk. Do not enter.  Trucks over 4 tons excluded. Void where prohibited by law. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Use only as directed. For indoor or outdoor use only. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Postal service will not deliver mail without postage. No postage necessary if mailed in the UK. Subject to LAB approval.  May be too intense for some viewers. This product is meant for educational purposes only. For recreational use only. For office use only. For entertainment purposes only. Only 1 winner per household. Do not disturb.  Apply only to infected areas. If condition persists, consult your physician. Take two of these and call me in the morning. Now with new plastic applicator. High altitude directions-increase cook time by 10 minutes. This is not an attorney advertisement or referal service. No user-serviceable parts inside. Website contains small parts and is not intended for use by children under the age of eighteen. This compact disc was originally recorded on analog equipment. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Times are approximate. Simulated picture. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop. Return your seatback and tray table to their normal upright position. Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. In the event of decreased air pressure, oxygen masks will pop out of the top of your monitor. The call you have made requires a 20 cent deposit. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. Do not block intersection. No tresspassing. No stopping or standing. Don’t even think about parking here. No parking when road is snow covered. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Product will be hot after heating. Do not iron clothes on body. Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine. Do not use while sleeping. Do not use on food. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-Tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. Insert this end first. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. This page made from 100% recycled electrons. Slippery when wet. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted.  Provided “as-is” without warranty. Reader assumes full responsibility. We are an equal opportunity employer. No shoes, no shirt, no sheldon. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory – explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one per family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. Process promptly. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Webmaster is also not responsible for items left, lost or stolen. At participating locations only. Sold by weight, not by volume. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. This web site rated ‘R’ for Mature audiences. Do not take with alcohol alone. Sealed for your protection – do not use if safety seal is broken. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Use seatbelts even with airbags. Do not stop on railroad tracks. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Employees must wash hands before returning to work. Caution, coffee is served HOT. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Felixstowe. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Filmed in front of a live, studio audience. Call now to ensure prompt delivery. Leave off the last S for savings. Calls may be monitored for quality assurance or training purposes. Please make your selections from the following menu. All representatives are still busy assisting other callers. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you when they feel the need. Please call back during our normal business hours. You must be present to win. Winners need not be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. Do not use this product with a petroleum based lubricant. No animals were harmed in the preparation of this web site; only humans. This web page contains no CFCs. Discontinue use if nausea or dizziness occurs. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. No soliciting. Bridge freezes before road surface. Stop, get ticket. Right lane must turn right. Left lane must turn left. Middle lane must make up their damn minds. This site runs on unleaded fuel only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buses and carpools with two or more people only. No hitchhiking. Components may be hot. Silica gel – do not eat. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Details on reverse side. Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. We reserve the right to check all bags, coats & personal belongings upon exiting this page. Recycle. Fragile – handle with care. This side up. No jumping or diving. No running by the pool. Register has less than £50 after dark. Driver does not carry cash. No swimming unless lifeguard is present. Swim at your own risk! Please do not wade in fountain. Guaranteed low prices. Not transferable. Actual size not shown. Contents under pressure. Do not intentionally inhale vapors. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Please be kind, rewind. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include tax. Do not remove any HTML tags under penalty of law. Hand wash only – tumble dry on low heat. No Canadian coins. Short circuit may cause fire. No more than 3 transactions per car. Not recommended for small children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No alcohol, dogs or horses. Not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. Blackout dates may apply. Viewing by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth and low birth weight. First pull up, then pull down. Insert Tab A into Slot B. Call toll free number before digging. This space (____________) intentionally left blank. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.  Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Doors do not rebound or bounce back. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don’t quote me on that. Don’t quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Patent pending. For external use only. Avoid extreme temperatures. Avoid contact with eyes and skin. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a magnetic source. Smoking could be hazardous to your health. Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, induce vomiting. Ribbed for her pleasure. Offer valid only at participating locations. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. You may distribute this article freely, but may not make a profit from it. Actual cash value of this website is 1/1000th of a cent. Listen to your mom. Eat your veggies. Wear your seatbelt. Don’t take candy from strangers… or strange people… or anyone really. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life and move on. This list was current at the time of printing. Terms are subject to change without notice. All decisions are final! This supersedes all previous notices.

23 thoughts on “Disclaimers (Boring Stuff)

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